 |
| Healing the soul |
What kind of children will shun there mother because she is Jewish and she divorced an abusing man who is your father? Only ones who were brainwashed, selfish and poisoned. Since your birth I felt joy in my heart. You were the only bright light in my life.
I wish I could say that your father felt the same way! I know that if you ever read this, it is going to be painful. But it is about time. I will be totally open about the torture he put me through. Before having you guys I was 14 years old, pregnant. He drugged me to have an abortion three times within 2 years when Élan was on the way he pushed me down a flight of stairs.
Élan was born premature. It is a miracle and a lot of care by me that he made it. When Shi was born he would not take me to the hospital. It was a friend of his who did. When he found out that I was expecting again at the doctor's office he told me to have an abortion. We had a fight at the doctor's office: I would not have an abortion ... my baby was born.
The first visit to the doctor I remember the doctor looking at me when he was examining my baby, and he asked me if I am thinking the same as he was. I knew exactly what he meant. The tragedy here was that I had to fight him for every one of your lives and I ended up with none of you in my life. Frankly he used you as a weapon against me for his own satisfaction. Finally the dog he had on a leash for 22 years had freed herself. I was not his property anymore and I was in the process of building a life. And you my beloved fools fell to his trap and his sick way of his life...
I hope that you will continue to feel my presence every single minute no matter how much you and he will try not to, because my love for you is too strong, my bond to you is the positive in your life. The first years were the most important years that gave you the foundation and that became the base of who you have become... the brainwash that came afterwards was the poison he planted in you against anyone who is not an Arab......
With this letter I hope to remind you of who you are. Please hear my voice inside your heart telling you I love you. I want to be part of your life and my grand children's life. I only exist because of my love for you and the hope that one day we will see each other, if not in this world then perhaps in another world....
My sweet children it is your life to live however you choose to, with all the luggage that comes with your choices.... I leave you with this shared memory when you were a tiny egg that hatched and marvelled at the miracle of life and it all happened in my body. It didn't seem possible that such a helpless naked creature could survive at all ... Days , months and years passed and you observed me your mother taking care of you, loving you, attending to your needs days and nights, not even once did your father woke up at night to care for you or did anything to make my life easier. All that mattered to me were my children, their welfare, and providing for you the best I could as much as I can and gave you everything I didn't have......
With all the abuse I had endured by your father and his family, I stuck it out until I could no longer....If I would have stayed with him I would have been dead by now. When the doctor told me either you leave your husband or find another doctor, I realised that was the time that I had to make change to my life. For that I had to be punished by him and you? Why? How can you doubt yourself that you had done me no wrong ....
Of all the animals in the universe, humans are the most amazing and intelligent. I am sorry to tell you: you are not the norm; you were brainwashed....
You are filled with hatred and resentment, bigotry; you will never be able to nurture the lives that were entrusted to you..... You will pass on to them the same poison that your father passed on to you - hatred, bigotry, fear, guilt, resentment and a chaotic life that is what your father left you with ... I want you to know that every time you sliced my heart and bled me I went to bed in a foetus position feeling the pain to the core of my being. It was as if a sharp knife cut my heart to pieces. you deprived me of motherhood, and stole from me the only family I will ever have. I have given you so many chances to come back, 32 years I waited for you it was so easy for you to drop me as if I was trash. You chose to ignore me. Different people will enter your world and each will be in need of something that only you can provide them with and I am sure that you will do so because that is the way I taught you but with your mother you never been sensitive. to my needs, my love for you, my missing you.
You have never been willing to share all that you are with me or even just a little bit you give me zero % of your time or your life . Did you know that you are destined to impact many lives in this world. How would you feel knowing that you deprived your mom and your children their birth right? Your life will be filled with people whom will call out on you for reassurance and gentle touch. You will hear their cries, you will never be able to touch and feel the pain of their hearts. Listen and soothe the wounds of their souls. Feel the emptiness in them, just as I have done for you over the years, as your mother - I'm afraid you would not know how. Imagine the power in your wings and warmth in your heart, if you would've had embraced me when I needed you as your mother. I hope that your relationship with your children will be a lot more loving than what you had with me. The important things to remember right now is the intention - no matter how you put it as a mother feeling left out from my children and grandchildren life, my children's weddings, birthdays, holidays, the day my grandchildren were born.
Everybody who hears this story reacts to your actions in disgust. The only thing that really matters is your true purpose - to hurt me. Perhaps one day you will realise the hurt that you caused me, perhaps not. Meanwhile, I must let go of this pain. I cannot be responsible for how you choose to react regarding me leaving your father, because he installed hatred in your hearts. I hope to comfort myself with this letter, you need to know that I see the whole truth. I will never respect anything less than I expect to be respected
My advice for you all is to be in peace with yourselves. You need to confront your issues and stop denying your problems. Your problems are not solved by pushing them away, underneath your carpet, they will be solved by bringing peace and warmth into your heart. I apologise to you for writing this letter because you are getting a whole lot of new information that may cause you pain. This is not what I mean to do, but I just need my voice to be heard and my story to be shared. I want you to know the truth, as painful as it is.
 |
| Healing the spirit |
No comments:
Post a Comment