My inner child

Keep your voice  heard

Little girl, when I look into your eyes, I somehow see you  as you  have  never been  seen before.

You look as if dear life depends on me listening to you  and hearing your voice. I am all ears for you, child. Lean on me. I hear you. I see trough the windows of your soul. Your eyes....they have a story to tell. It is your story. Your voice have a song to sing. It is your song.

Tell me your story! Sing me your song! When your heart is ready, take my hand. I will climb motherhood, sisterhood, paths with you in my heart. Embrace. I will step from

inhibition, caring for you little girl, to put you on a cloud of happiness, tenderness, and serenity...

Splashing with you in a warm fulfilment, alive by your side. I will stand true, ready to dance in the cold and warm river of life.

Let's dance child. Let's dream of a kinder spirit around us. Dreams are free. We may dream the impossible wishes. They may never come true but following our dreams may lead us to ourselves.

I will take care of you. No one will ever tell you to keep your voice silent... No one, for self-disclosing oneself is a gift...



Oct 17, 1994

YB

Sunflower

Transformation Dream...

I saved my life thank God.....

I had a dream, a profound dream. I stood in middle of a lake. The water was very rough and I am not a very good swimmer. Far away was my X... with my sons swimming. Close to me there was a body of a little girl drowning.

I was yelling for help toward my X... and sons. They looked at me and started laughing. I needed help to save that little girl. I am not a swimmer but I was not going to let her drown. I jumped, held on to her body and started holding her in my arms and pushing toward the shore. I finally got her to the sand. Her body was totally blue.

I started CPR. I tried so hard to revive her and surely the skin colour started coming back. The blue turned to the most beautiful healthy pink. And slowly her little face turned into a sunflower, the most beautiful
sunflower ever bloomed in my dream. I knew that I just saved myself.

Me. My life. My future.

From that day sunflowers are my flowers!!

May 2001                                                                 

YB

I miss being your mom and grandma

I miss being your Mom

I miss being your mom. I miss hearing your voices. I miss having someone to care for, to love, to have
family gathering, to sit in the garden. I miss taking you for holidays. I never went anywhere without you.

I miss the friendship we had, the openness, the understanding. I miss being a Nana, a grandma, a Savta... I am so heart-broken... How on earth could you have turned on me like that? I keep thinking about you guys and I keep slipping to the bottom.

I am so alone.... Sometimes I think it might not matter any more. And sometimes I want to scream: Come to me my babies, I need you. In my life, so much is left out of my life without you in it. My days are no longer about getting up and going and doing good things. No, they are now a collection of little pieces of sometimes positive emotions, sometime painful emotions and sometimes in between.

Among the fragments there are you my children and grandchildren. I miss you and love you....

Oct 12, 2006



YB

My Inner child Is speaking TO ALL OF YOU



My Mom and me 

This big loss in my life... it is so hard to deal with it. This morning my inner child is very sad, angry, very sensitive, and she has a very heavy heart. She feels pain, a lot of pain, helpless, and hopeless. Perhaps she is not ready to let go and forgive the people who abused: her my  X...,  my children. Maybe I am pushing too hard and too fast of my inner child.


All I feel this morning is the heart of a sad child, helpless and hopeless little girl and her pain of the loss she endured. Sometime I have to remind her that we are adults now.

I can never put her away. I promised her that I will take care of her for as long as I am around... I want to honour her feelings. I want to comfort her and it is OK if she needs more time to forgive anyone... I am  sure that the right time will come for her to be able to forgive. Maybe not today. I will pray, please God, help me find the fountain of forgiveness in my heart... I want to forgive someone today!

Feb 25 2012

Y.B



                                             

Forgiving a monster my X...

May they be peace on earth

Sifting through the ashes of my heart, I am trying very hard to find forgiveness for you. It is difficult. It would have been so much easier if you would have been honest from the beginning that you were an Arab. I probably would have stayed away. But you lied about who you are and who you were as long as you get your prise.

When we were interviewed by the Jewish Canadian news you were asked that question, your answer was "if I would have told her the truth about me being an Arab, she would not have gone out with me. Was that OK with you to destroy the life of a fourteen years old girl, a child?

For all the abuse that I have endured from you and your family physically, emotionally, spiritually; it just proved to me that I must get myself out of that situation. It also proved that you didn't care about your children too. Because if you did you would not deprived them from having a mom even if she is Jewish. You broke the Canadian law when you took my baby to Israel. He was underage and without my permission, took him to a church and converted him to Christianity.

I found out about it four years later. What kind of an animal are you? How do you take children out of the reach of their mom's love. Only an Arab full of hatred for Jews and humans -- an evil man like you, one who has no respect for women can do such an evil thing like that. I tried so many time to reach to your heart so I would be able to have a relationship with my children but you hated Jews more than you loved your children and you have no heart.

So I am going to be a better person than you will ever be and go deep in the walls of my heart and search for the
Fountain of Forgiveness and send forgiveness your way!

It may take time to reach the point of total forgiveness, perhaps that will be help to  me in my healing, I will do it for me and for my children and grandchildren whom I love very much.....

A Jew and proud to be one!!!!
September 1997

YB

My babies: You are the only ones

You are the only ones I will ever have. I never wanted you to wonder or worry if I will ever have other children, never wanted you to worry about my love.

For you. I wanted you to feel secure, and safe, no other child will ever take your space in my heart...

In my heart there was room only for you. And it always will be yours and your children's space for my life time. My grandchildren I love you... I hope that one of these days we will meet again.
   

With god's help I will forgive someone today...

I will never stop trying to forgive!



My babys you are the only ones

May 21 2003                                  

YB

A note from a classmate

A symbol of new  life

I do not know how to spell your name but I do know who you are! You are a beautiful rose who's slowly opening up during the Landmark experience for someone I just met. May I share with you my admiration and love for you? You have so much goodness in you as a wonderful human being.

I am sending you this wee teddy as a symbol of my respect for you. I hope you find a special spot in your home for it. After this hard work of healing I know you will have a special place in your heart for a lot of new beginnings. Your children are lucky to have you for a Mom...
You are so lovable.....

With much love
Mary Cunningham

P.S on the front of this card is a butterfly it is a" symbol of new  life"

Feb 16 1997

A letter to my children Elan imseis, S ,and my baby wounded heart

Healing the soul

I am losing hope that I will ever hear from my children. Has the time of communication come to an end? This letter to my children hopefully will provide me with some comfort to be able to tell about your mother's broken heart and the painful situation that all of you have brought up on me for no reason.

What kind of children will shun there mother because she is Jewish and she divorced an abusing man who is your father? Only ones who were brainwashed, selfish and poisoned. Since your birth I felt joy in my heart. You were the only bright light in my life.

I wish I could say that your father felt the same way! I know that if you ever read this, it is going to be painful. But it is about time. I will be totally open about the torture he put me through. Before having you guys I was 14 years old, pregnant. He drugged me to have an abortion three times within 2 years when Élan was on the way he pushed me down a flight of stairs.

Élan was born premature. It is a miracle and a lot of care by me that he made it. When Shi was born he would not take me to the hospital. It was a friend of his who did. When he found out that I was expecting again at the doctor's office he told me to have an abortion. We had a fight at the doctor's office: I would not have an abortion ... my baby  was born.

The first visit to the doctor I remember the doctor looking at me when he was examining my baby, and he asked me if I am thinking the same as he was. I knew exactly what he meant. The tragedy here was that I had to fight him for every one of your lives and I ended up with none of you in my life. Frankly he used you as a weapon against me for his own satisfaction. Finally the dog he had on a leash for 22 years had freed herself. I was not his property anymore and I was in the process of building a life. And you my beloved fools fell to his trap and his sick way of his life...

I hope that you will continue to feel my presence every single minute no matter how much you and he will try not to, because my love for you is too strong, my bond to you is the positive in your life. The first years were the most important years that gave you the foundation and that became the base of who you have become... the brainwash that came afterwards was the poison he planted in you against anyone who is not an Arab......

With this letter I hope to remind you of who you are. Please hear my voice inside your heart telling you I love you. I want to be part of your life and my grand children's life. I only exist because of my love for you and the hope that one day we will see each other, if not in this world then perhaps in another world....

My sweet children it is your life to live however you choose to, with all the luggage that comes with your choices.... I leave you with this shared memory when you were a tiny egg that hatched and marvelled at the miracle of life and it all happened in my body. It didn't seem possible that such a helpless naked creature could survive at all ... Days , months and years passed and you observed me your mother taking care of you, loving you, attending to your needs days and nights, not even once did your father woke up at night to care for you or did anything to make my life easier. All that mattered to me were my children, their welfare, and providing for you the best I could as much as I can and gave you everything I didn't have......

With all the abuse I had endured by your father and  his family, I stuck it out until I could no longer....If I would have stayed with him I would have been dead by now. When the doctor told me either you leave your husband or find another doctor, I realised that was the time that I had to make change to my life. For that I had to be punished by him and you? Why? How can you doubt yourself that you had done me no wrong ....

Of all the animals in the universe, humans are the most amazing and intelligent. I am sorry to tell you: you are not the norm; you were brainwashed....

You are filled with hatred and resentment, bigotry; you will never be able to nurture the lives that were entrusted to you..... You will pass on to them the same poison that your father passed on to you - hatred, bigotry, fear, guilt, resentment and a chaotic life that is what your father left you with ... I want you to know that every time you sliced my heart and bled me I went to bed in a foetus position feeling the pain to the core of my being. It was as if a sharp knife cut my heart to pieces. you deprived me of motherhood, and stole from me the only family I will ever have. I have given you so many chances to come back, 32 years I waited for you it was so easy for you  to drop me as if I was trash. You chose to ignore me. Different people will enter your world and each will be in need of something that only you can provide them with and I am sure that you will do so because that is the way I  taught you but with your mother you never been sensitive. to my needs, my love for you, my missing you.

You have never been willing to share all that you are with me or even just a little bit you give me zero % of your time or your life . Did you know that you are destined to impact many lives in this world. How would you feel knowing that you deprived your mom and your children their birth right? Your life will be filled with people whom will call out on you for reassurance and gentle touch. You will hear their cries, you will never be able to touch and feel the pain of their hearts. Listen and soothe the wounds of their souls. Feel the emptiness in them, just as I have done for you over the years, as your mother - I'm afraid you would not know how. Imagine the power in your wings and warmth in your heart, if you would've had embraced me when I needed you as your mother. I hope that your relationship with your children will be a lot more loving than what you had with me. The important things to remember right now is the intention - no matter how you put it as a mother feeling left out from my children and grandchildren life, my children's weddings, birthdays, holidays, the day my grandchildren were born.

Everybody who hears this story reacts to your actions in disgust. The only thing that really matters is your true purpose - to hurt me. Perhaps one day you will realise the hurt that you caused me, perhaps not. Meanwhile, I must let go of this pain. I cannot be responsible for how you choose to react regarding me leaving your father, because he installed hatred in your hearts. I hope to comfort myself with this letter, you need to know that I see the whole truth. I will never respect anything less than I expect to be respected

My advice for you all is to be in peace with yourselves. You need to confront your issues and stop denying your problems. Your problems are not solved by pushing them away, underneath your carpet, they will be solved by bringing peace and warmth into your heart. I apologise to you for writing this letter because you are getting a whole lot of new information that may cause you pain. This is not what I mean to do, but I just need my voice to be heard and my story to be shared. I want you to know the truth, as painful as it is.

Healing the spirit

YB, Sept 1998

Tucked In my heart

 

Love you for life Mom

My children, you are tucked away so nicely in a special corner of my heart and mind. And when I find myself thinking of you, or when I needed to think about you in order to help me through my painful days, I merely had to bring you forth to that special corner of my heart and mind to revive those special memories with you and to savour and remember feelings of love, joy of being your mother, your keeper.

And then you were turned against me. I could not see you again. You pushed me away as if

I didn't exist. I could not understand children who have a mother that loves them to death and they don't want her and her love. Her only crime? She is Jewish. And their father had to punish me for finallly freeing myself from the hell he had me live in every single day with him.

My mother was taken away from me by the Lord.... I just can't understand! How can a child take the side of an abusing father against his mother... Secretly I cried inside every time I thought of you. And I cried in sadness knowing that I must tuck you again in that special corner of my heart and mind, that I must put away those feelings of my love for my children and grandchildren forever hopeful of someday having the luxury of seeing you...

For now I must tuck you away again in that special corner of my mind that I have reserved just for you... maby with  GODS will I will never think of you again....


With love to all of you.

Mom,and Nana to my grandchildren.

"We are not Arab and Jews! we are family. And  I am your mother and grandmother."
               

Apr 2 2001

YB

Micheal MY X...Elan and my baby boy. no more Abuse

 The bridge to victory



There is a point when emotion begins to break up the mind, the spirit, and soul. There are certain things that can be said, shattering the reason for my existence, withstanding how I feel. It is approaching to the end. It feels in my heart... no more beating, name calling, degrading. putting you down to zero and below...

At one point he told me if he had the power he would put all orphans in a line-up and shoot all of us. According to my X...Michael Imseis, we orphans are not worthy of loving or be loved because we  can't love .....and we can't be loved.... It is coming to an end his time has run out with me.

I am trying to collect my thoughts to begin to rebuild a new reason for living. I must find my path again in order to move forward. I have been standing in the rain, the snow bare feet. He will lock me out the house far too long, toyed with, played with, manipulated...

It is time to don my survivor coat and go for a long walk. Alone. Alone, soaking the warmth of this cosy feeling, no more beatings.

Yolland, just remember when the next storm knocks on the window of your heart again, do not open the door again. That door is locked for good to anyone ... never allow yourself to be abused again...

Dec 27 1979

YB



Let my voice be heard





May we have peace on earth

As I look into the mirror, I see reflection of me. What else, of course, but me? It's more than just the face. In fact the voice that was silenced for the last 32 years is there, underneath now itching to surface, asking to be let out and let my voice be heard, validate myself and my feelings. I always hoped for a better ending. I didn't want to shut the door. I left an opening, hoping that my children will end up coming back to my life.


 I pushed all the pain, the tiredness, the calm of new hope - a certain serenity of knowing that my babies will come back and will want to be part of my life. But I was wrong! So many years passed by, and things are not getting better. The sadness of the passage of time, so many years of quietly putting up with the emotional abuse that I endured in order to do what is good for them, but it is not good for me. 

 

I neglected me I silenced  my voice, and all the while thinking, intellectualising, that if it is good for my children, it surely must be good for me. No, it is not good for me. I must let my voice be heard, venture faith, be me, be real, ask, demand with new found strength to push the shame away. Let my story out. Let my children finally realise that their secret is out there: you are Jewish with a Jewish mother...

A mother that finally let her voice be heard and her story be told.....and you A  you can't hide from the reality of your life. It will catch up with you.

Start with your mother's and your children's human rights...

A Jew and proud to be

Mom....

Feb 15 2012

YB

                                   





my baby Boy warm up your heart

A. warm up ur heart

Knowledge can be captured by the mind. Love for your mother must be apprehended, and instilled into the soul and the heart...

 

Whatever happened to my children's souls? They were the water of my life, the light to my surviving, the winter of life.

 

They crushed my soul and spirit and broke my heart. Being their mother was my pride and joy.  to my baby if you wish to be understood; be understanding of others.

 

Your words sliced my heart when you give one who has so little love. Love will come your way... where is my baby's soul placed, in your earthly dry heart which your father poisoned.

 

Baby! I am aching for you. I am the woman who gave you life. I had so many heavenly thoughts for you. I carried them in my heart but evil was planted in your heart and soul. I am your Jewish mother and you are my son.



With my blood running life in your heart; stop running from the facts of life. Be respectful of who you are and the world will respect you. There is always a power larger than the power of the evil that your father has instilled in you. He polluted your heart and soul with hatred and bigotry.  I am Jewish; I am also your Mom, and forever the only mother you will ever have.

 

All I am wishing for is to rekindle the love with my children. But,  if you don't feel love in your heart for your mom, how can that love exist? My heart at the moment is in a place where the sun stopped shining when you turned your back on me. I am hoping for a miracle coming my way

 

Please, Baby, do not forget that you deprived me of being your mother and grandmother to your children. You didn't give them the chance to get to know their grandmother. And you, darling (the human right lawyer,) deprived them of their birth right of having the love of a grandmother. Love, even if she is Jewish...

 

The love of a Jewish grandma is as valuable as a Christian or a Muslim grandma... And you - my son - having a fancy title is of little use if you don't know how to draw thread through the eye of the needle...

Open your heart: you are the world; you are a Jew... by birth. A Christian Arab was your father. A Muslim is your wife. Your children are of all the religions... They could have been the ones to vision peace, love, and tolerance among all of mankind!

 

After all, they are all of mankind...

 

I love you, son...

 

Oct 16 2007

YB
 

My children!

You did light up my life ones a pony time
 





MY CHILDREN

 

Don't want me

And they let me know

They don't  



I want my children 

And I let them know

That I want them

But that is not where

They want to go

Or  want  to be loved by me 

They don't want   my love
A Jewish mother love

I am shunt by them
They know my love  for them

How does a mother not wilt?

I will try when feelings come

My way I'll let them flow in my heart

Perhaps a miracle will try to find me!

Amen!





12 Aug 2004



YB



 









Ideal Father

An ideal Father preaches love and peace

 

An Ideal Father should be strong and guiding understanding, and giving honest and forthright confidence.

An Ideal Father should be relaxed and soft, flexible and tolerant but most of all an Ideal Father should be a loving man who won't deprive his children and grandchildren from exercising  there birth right, have a loving relationship with an adoring mother and grandmother... because she is Jewish... That is a poisoning Father, who is a bigot that is the monster I was married to.

Dec 8 2009

YB

Ultimate rejection



The landscape of my life ceased to exist

The Allotment rejection: Was the early battle for giving you life worth it? Was the early battle worth fighting for? Was the pain physical, and emotional, worth enduring?

Children, tell me, was it? In the silent moments, agonising heartbeats, despair emotions... followed by depressions - was it worth it? If I can't have the pleasure of seeing you...



Are the emotional scars you left me with worth it? Is that what I deserve for breathing life in you? I thought you would be the sun to the garden of my life. I thought my children will be the light of my life. I thought they will value my love for them, and proudly love me for they were my life line, the extension of my soul. With them gone, the light and the sun vanished. The landscape of my life ceased to exist. With the allotment rejection of Child One Élan Peter, of Child Two Shi and my Baby.. 

Oct 10 2008

YB

Mr God - why me??

Yolland

Mama Hana



In my life I have experienced some first  I have witnessed some of lives knocked out. I have walked and burnt my emotions to the
drums of my world and what was expected of me by every one who was supposed to care for me, including Mr. God. Is there a way to ask you, please?

Why me? I haven't yet been able to understand death. In order to be able to reconcile my true feelings; the void in my heart never left me even now at sixty-nine. I am still haunted by the pain and the loss. So how would an x evil husband pay you for leaving him?

As he said to me he will make sure I will never see the only family I have - my children... He kept his promise to me - Mom. Periodically I have dreams filled with hopes and honest emotions of visits with my mom, dreams symbolic of the love that could have been. They are the only forum left for fantasy with the mystic of my angel - my Mama Hana...

Mr. God, why wasn't my life the forum?

Wish to know!

Apr 5 2002

YB

Alone



                                                                             

I must deal with my fear of being alone. My family shunt me; they left a hole in the Jewish mother heart. Loss of love, faith, family, confidence, loss of respect, loss of security... And all of it because who I am, what I am (and proud of it!)

I am Jewish; was born one, will die as one and live as one. I am proud of me and my heritage. I am me; I love who I am, I respect me, I value me. I have a heart, a soul... I walk tall softly through life; one of me,  one of a kind with a story to tell and a courage to share.

That is love for all who passed by me. That is my spirit. That is my soul and my will for survival... For you guys, my family, I pray that you will be guided by the Good, not Evil...

Hope it will be the last storm of my life

Jan 9 2000

YB





My inner child speaks

my inner child speaks

Dearest you...

Thank you for your kind words, for your spirit your courage and your wisdom.

Thanks for sharing your life stories with me... Come, girl, enjoy with me my sunflowers as it is evident that they shine within my passion for life with you.

I am your angel, your flying teacher. Fly, my child. Discover your own wings. Never again feel lonely at the top

You are with me. At any place, you will be me...

Take me with you where ever you go, my child.

I am your angel…

Apr 7 2002

YB

                                                                      

A place called Home

Home, sweet home

It is always nice to have a place called home

A place you find refuge; a place of quiet

Serenity, peace and integrity...

A place where I make the point

Of leading my heart through the clearing

Nothing terrorizes me

And instills fear in to my soul

Crashing my dreams, my hopes and my faith

A place called home

Will help walk the one who has

To cross an open world without love

It feels so alone, naked, and powerless...

In crossing this uncovered landscape called World 

I am in a trance-like state

As I make my way trough the fields of life

Noticing the beauty, the ugly and the agony

Of this life,,,

As I walk through my world,

Wondering, dreaming, and wishing

For a place called home

My home, my own home...

Where I can feel peace, calm, serene...

Knowledge that I am alive and safe in my home

No need to be scared anymore......

Oct 10 2000

YB

Mama Hana







I love you Mama Hana



Even though the havens are between us 

I have been having many burning moments



Longing for you so deeply in my heart



I will always love and cherish you.... Mama Hana

For a while I never thought  I will

 be able to survive without you but your spirit

Brightened my path and my soul

You are always there  for me in my time of need

Your always there to calm my fears you are my.... Mama Hana

My surporter in the  havens you can never be forgotten

Your memory and spirit are my legascy



We where intertwined in our spirits  souls  and hearts

For eternity in this life and others.........

Apr 4 2010

YB







My life with my sons that hate me



May love, hope, and faith, will win!



Embracing legacy of life’s
Physical pain of let down;
Spiritual pain of my choices,
Emotional pain of neglects;  

The pain of childhood…
The pain of seventeen
The pain of loving the devil, my ex at thirteen

I was neglected, rejected, and shunned
While trying to give my precious life to you, my family

You made me face hate, love, war, anger, toxic, despair and prejudice...
Knowing in your hearts; all of you,
That all I wanted was love, peace, containment, humanity and tolerance in my family..

To my son the human rights lawyer who cares about human rights:
Discrimination of religion is against the law.
Why would it be OK to discriminate against your mother and your children?

Oct 12 2008

YB

Winter of the mind




fiery snow





Winter on my mind!

Summer Breeze long gone

Spring blooms long wilted

Autumn leaves long, long, fallen

Winter flakes down!

Glittering as a magic carpet

Woven with diamonds...

And my minds is wondering

Looking for the path!

The path of serenity

And the cycle of life goes on...

 

Dec 25 2001

YB

Winter is gone

Nothing as beautiful as my  garden blooming

Here in my garden I dream of a glorious spring, a rainless and cloudless sky...

This spring day cares and worries is replaced by faith. Faith can place a light in the darkest of all. All of the concerns are far, far, away gone.

Here in my garden I dream how up above the clouds I fly between earth and sky, revealing in such luxury.

As each moment goes by dreaming of wonders, the wonders you seek are in your heart, spirit and soul...

Have fire in your life; you will warm up the universe around. In deep solitude I am... the hours are few, when one can be so serene, busking in peace

Yolland Bitton, my child may your life be protected and touched by your angel Mom...

Your love is there for the wanting not the refusing. I hope one day my children and grandchildren would want my love. They have it anyway!

 

Apr 15 2001

YB

 

Rosh Hashana dinner for my children




 

No one showed to the dinner

To my beloved children: Élan, Sh, and Baby.

There is a place in between you could have taken. You may have wished to reach out and touch my heart. I invited you to calibrate with me.

 

Rosh Hashanah dinner: I was so happy in my mind and heart it was going to be the best one ever I shopped and prepared a feast for kings. For the whole week I put my heart and soul in that meal.

My emotions were flowing. I wanted everything to be perfect for me and my children... But as I was making myself ready and wanted to look beautiful for my babies, I sat around my beautiful table set for my kings. I waited and waited; no one showed up...

By midnight I knew they broke my heart again. I didn't sleep I was awake in the wee hour of the night. It was so painful. That was the moment that I thought breaking will be easier. They played with my emotions like a yo-yo... I still feel that horrible sinking feeling in my heart today...

It is very difficult to forget that I carried these children in my body...

Sept 2004

YB

My Ginko tree

My ginkgo tree

The garden of my soul,

So many beautiful flowers in my garden bloom from summer to summer, each one in its season.

They bring joy and hope to my life. Every season reminds me of summer past. I can hear the voices of past summers...

My roses, lilies, pansies, daisies, and the bleeding hearts, the violets, and most of all I miss my ginkgo tree, my butterflies and my bees... In my garden around ginkgo they fly...



So I will claim them as mine: my family to be. Each morning as I peek out the window, Mr. Butterfly and Mrs. Bee fly by my old ginkgo tree. As friends, they are my dearest, for so few of my friends and family I see.  In memories of old yesterdays; when we were all so happy and free, hoping for new tomorrows, new beginnings.

Love you,

Mom

 

Feb 10, 2005

YB

The heart of a Jewish mother

 

My bleading heart

My heart filled with faith, hope and love; always faithful to my babies... and hope for their babies. There was no bigger duty for me than making my children happy. I knew they were the most important treasure in my life. They were my greatest power for living, breathing, smiling, and my happiness. They were my reasons for living.

I put all the efforts I had to achieve success with them. They were all of who I was. They were the most beautiful piece of art I had...; the dearest creation in my life.



I thanked God for such a gift... I did school trips with them. I was the chef, the driver, the cleaning lady, and the one who earned the living... and I was happy doing all of it, except the abuse from their father which never stopped. At least several times a month the police will come to my house for the abuse my ex put me through... physical, emotional, verbal name calling.



In the Arab culture it is OK to call your wife a dirty Jew... My life was a nightmare. I was trapped, no help at the time for abused women.

I didn't want to rock the boat for the children. I needed it for them to have both parents. I left him three times. He would not support us. My friends had to do a collection for us to be able to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.

The last time he told me, “If you leave me I will make sure you will never see your children.” He is a monster evil one when my daughter was born he told me another whore in the world. That was his opinion about women. I am going to stop writing about the hell he put me through.

However what I am going to say to all the girls and women around: our greatest glory in life is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. I like to believe that I did...  I waited in the darkness for twenty two years and now I can appreciate the miracle of sunrise. Good hearts are ones of the richest gifts of Judaism... My heart is open to you, children of mine. You are for life welcome into my life and my heart... whenever you want!

I love you babies. Your Jewish mother

With love,

Mom........

27 Jul 2008

YB