I wish



Angel D.. thanks for lighting up my life!

It has been a very difficult day. I am at a cross road. It feels as if it is the end of the road. Are all the doors closed? Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? This world is not for a broken mother like me. I am so tired and lonely.

I went to visit Shoshana at the hospital today. Talia was there looking at her mother with so much love and care I was jealous. It made me so sad looking at her. I felt sorry for myself. I wondered what would happen if I ever need help. Would I have anyone around me?

As if I heard my ex's vioce when he used to tell me: "You were born lonely and I am going to make sure that you will die lonely." Why would anyone be so evil?

I believe in miracles as I was putting this post up. My son in law called me and told me that they are coming to visit with me this evening. A miracle comes my way after 10 years of never seeing them....Thanks angel D....

Post went up March 11 2012.

Feb 23 1993

YB
 

Parental Alienation... Brainwashing my children Ardi Imseis Shirel pegios, and Elan imseis by my ex...



As my life blooms so as my spirit 

That is how my ex... an Arab got back at me his Jewish wife for leaving him after twenty two years of physical, mental, emotional, spiritual abuses. Parental alienation is bad enough with out having the Arab and Jewish conflicts in the middle.

The systematic brainwashing, the poisoning and manipulation of my three children with the sole purpose of destroying my loving relationship that I shared with them. It doesn't always happen to man. In my case, I am the mother and my ex... did it to me. He started the alienation when we were still living together, abusing me in front of the children, calling me names, antisemitic remarks putting me down to below zero...

I never had a name...  it was dirty Jew... He and his family... His mother actually came to visit him from Israel and she told him no way she was staying with a dirty Jew in the house. He came up with the idea for me and the children to leave the house. He would rent me an apartment and when she went back home I could return to the house. That was the second time we separated. He left, went to his brother with the mother for 8 months. He did not support us. My friends did a collection and supported us food, mortgage and all other expenses. He was arrested and put in jail over night after 8 months that they were trying to serve him. The day I took him back, he was arrested.

I had no choice... I was trapped. This is my personal journey. The last time that we separated, judgment was that we would have to rent our apartments. I would have my own place, my ex would have his. And the children would stay in the house. There was no way that was possible: I had no job, lost my business,  had no money for two residents and the house.

My oldest son Elan told me if I did not leave, he would not come to the house. It was snowing and cold late evening. I had to call his father to come home and I left with understanding that once I had a place, the two little ones, Shirel and  would come back to live with me. My ex changed his mind and he started the nightmare: the brainwash. He poisoned their mind against Jews and the Western world. My son A was taken to Israel when he was underage, and was converted into Christianity without me knowing it. I found out 4 years later.


He ended up in East Jerusalem and later in Gaza for many years. He did every thing possible to alienate me from them. They shunned me totally and that is how I lost 3 children that he never wanted to have. They where all I had, and  they were my life...

Now I am living without the most important part of my life, with a broken heart,  a broken soul, and a broken spirit.

March 9 2012

YB

God walks me through

My spirit garden

 



Walk this path with me. Climb up this mountain. Lead me to the top of my dreams. Help me navigate this voyage called life. Let me not do it alone for it will be lonely. So Angel within my heart whispers a sweet  melody into my soul and spirit.

Show me the way to the garden of my soul where the air is clear, where the tender spring flowers will bloom, where the sun will rise and the moon will shine brightly.

And I with the Angel girl within my heart who still always believe in miracles, she is forever seeing light shining right in the centre of the darkness. The purity of her heart can hear and see the Angel within lighting her path...

March 6 2012

YB                                                    

This morning

Light for the soul

To wake up this morning realizing a new day is here, a new gift to the soul, the heart, air to breath. Things do not change, we do.  Wonder if I did? All I want is to be able to inhale the morning breeze, find happiness in the miracle of morning glory, love all that is around me, fly upon the wings of forgiveness, commit myself to life of peace and harmony.....

This will be my gift for me this morning, a prayer... It takes a whole life to master the art of living. Wonder how long do I have? Every grief will soften and heal with time. I inhale the glory of this morning, for it is mine.

I will absorb the beauty, the sunlight. I will daydream. May the light of hopes shine and illuminate the hearts of beloved ones. Keep climbing the mountain and forever remember that those who are hurt the most are the ones who care a lot...

I care a lot... For this morning, let go of the yesterday. Don't think of the challenges of tomorrow and live your life today...

March 5 2012

YB

My Baby Boy - love you for always

My baby boy I am lonely for you

my baby boy; I feel sorry for you. How can you hate who you are and what you are?  A brainwashed child that was
taught to hate himself by the person who was supposed to love you.  He should have taught you to be proud of all that you are, including your roots. baby, my love, you may be able to hide it but in your heart you know that you hate half of yourself.

Your father knew that when he inspired you to hate anything Jewish or anything to do with Jews, he was putting poison in your heart. Is that love?  No!!

It is not in the Jewish, or Christian. or Muslim religions wherever good humans are. You are brainwashed
with an ideology, filthy with poison, of hatred, and bigotry. You were used as a bullet against your own mother, your own roots, and your own self. You are a man with no pride, no real love. You are teaching
International Laws. Perhaps it will be more appropriate for you to teach international hatred, and antisemitism. What a pity!

You are  actually walking at the university classrooms full of students to teach law and human rights. How could you, knowing that you are depriving your own children from exercising their own birth right and human rights to have their grand mother in their lives... Would the love of a Jewish grandmother be any different from the love of a Christian or a Muslim grandmother? I would love to know.

You are living a life of a liar. You are being a bigot full of hatred. That is my darling. What some Arabs do teach their children to hate anything and everything Jewish or Western... You are dishonest with your  children, your students and most important of all, to yourself, your heart and soul if you still have one.

I will  pray for you every day that some day you will see the light of love and compassion and will embrace them in your heart and soul. You broke my heart. and left me in pain that some times it feels as if it could never heal. I know it will heal one of these days. I know that we are the memories we keep in our hearts. I am trying very hard to let those memories go... I pray that my heart will never lose its sparkling shine.

Your Jewish mother and proud of it!

March 2, 2012

YB

A sad memory




Your brightened my path. Thank you, Mom.

Mama Hana resting place



For ever in my heart



 This is the time of my mother's Passing Anniversary. She passed away the 4th of April 1950 -- 62 years ago.                                                                                                                                                                                

At the Passover Jewish holiday, this is the place she was put to rest. I never witnessed her resting place until I was 33 years old. I went with the big fat man, Richard Harlow who said in a slow quiet voice, "I will go with you to Marrakesh. I will give you my love and support that you need."



He did not realize how much I needed to know that I will be supported by him. I will owe him my thanks for life. I couldn't have shared that with my X.... He was too evil to share such a holy journey with.

How wonderful it was to do it at a time in my life that I was in a secure place and felt comfort. The big fat man Richard, he was with me all the way. He stood by me. Instead of facing it alone, he was with me all the way. And for that I will forever have a special prayer for him.

I thanked him with tears raining down my face. Walking in the old Jewish cemetery was like walking on the face of the moon and very mystical. For that I thank him... This is the place...

Oct 1984

YB