If I could start over, would I have children again? No!

I wish I could Ignore loss.
Then the memory of what I have lost
cannot be retrieved...

Everyday from 1979 to 2012 the years that I left my ex.  
One question is always on my mind, If I had to do it all over.  Would I do it? Would I have children? No!

That is a very hard thing for me to admit too, But that is my honest answer. for all the investment that  I put in to having
 Them, the emotional, and physical abuses I went through with their father and them. I was used as a breeding vessel, a cleaning lady, a chauffeur and bread winner who never got respect from them nor their father nor his family...

My children had an evil teacher, their father, This is my true confession.
I had no reason to continue a miserable marriage, except for my children.
But the time has arrived that I could do it no more. My soul was broken...

I am allowing the world to eavesdrop intensely
On a conversation between me and my heart.
At  that point I knew if I had to do it all over again, I will not do it.
I wouldn't have children! The only child I will have would be me.
Perhaps I would have taken care of me, love me, respect me,
And believed in my heart that I deserved every moment of it.

July 7 2012

Y.B

My dearest heart Regrets!

Ardi A Lesson in History for you and your United Nation!

To my son the  Human right lawyer Who do's everything in his power 

To Deming all about me and my people the JEWISH people

For the Palestinian's. hear is a lesson in HISTORY!

My children Shunt me! 

I never felt old until regrets took the place of dreams in my life.

Looking back I regret all the years from when  13 to 34 years of age.

If I could erase them I would. I dreamed  of a home, a family,

children, love, compassion, tenderness, loyalty!

 Instead I got abuses, Name calling, disrespect, let down,

 Betrayal, hatred, absence of loyalty and  so many year,

 Hard to forget so many years of humiliation, shame and pain...

And all of that for being Jewish and an ISRAELI! my Antisemitic children  

1. A human right lawyer!who never give me a chance to meet my grand-kid's  

2. A teacher daughter wonder what kind of values she can teach?

 3. A computer programmer who logs on my blog and try to block 

All of what I wright . obviously they are ashamed of what they did!   

In my youth I made a mistake marrying an Arab! 

who made my life A living hell!   and now as I  aged  I understood 

I should  have left, him the first week! but I didn't know how I had no courage.

I am grieving for the days, the minutes, the precious moments,

I spent trying to nurture, to love, to take care of my family.

That I was committed to, But they were not to me...

REGRETS! that is all I feel in my HEART!

I thank the Academia who helped in the BRAIN WASHING!

July 5 2012

Y.B

Physical Pain

A prayer for heeling.

God ! heal me

It is difficult to see things clearly, when you are in so much physical pain. It blocks the light entering your eyes, It blocks the joy entering your soul.

To get the full value of joy. you must forget that we have so many tears in the heart,  that never reached the eyes. With physical pain, you pray for a relief. You cry, you shed sparkling tears. You place your palms over your heart! and you try to see the unseen, imagine a rainbow in my heart.

God give me strength. I never asked for an easy life, but now I am praying for strength, to stand tall. In this life...

July 3 2012

Y.B