How Do I Maned My Broken Heart?

How do you maned A broken Heart? 

With Glue! will never  work!

Begin the journey by deciding

To make changes within ME!

With in my Heart.

Believe That my Children 

Are not worthy to have me as a 

Mother! perhaps they would have

Been happier with some one like there

Low life  father! who poisoned them.

Against anything JEWISH! 

With time I will heal!

YB.    25/2/2017   

How do you close the Door ??

Fire within.

The one who has no fire within can

Never warm up others! I have been

A fiery strong  women for to long!

So it is OK to give myself permission

To cry sometimes. for the pain I endured!

I have don a lot of work on my self to heal
Along the way I changed  how ever the

Memory's of my children never changed.

I do not understand how can a child wake

Up one day and decide his Mother never

EXISTED!

It is so hard for me to give up the hope
On the Dream!

That perhaps one of this days they will be back!
In my life!

How ever it is much harder giving up on the dream

 knowing that it is the only thing I ever wished 

FOR!!
How do I close the door?

 IS IT  ONLY A DREAM  OR A NIGHTMARE??  

YB.     1/2/2017

       

I am a JEW! and proud!!

I'm a JEW! and PROUD!

It is not that God doe's not speak to

 Begot and antisemitic criminals.

They just do not listen!   

I as a Jewish Mother that lost three CHILDREN

To an Arab Father, and a bunch of Academia!

 Proudly will Cary this star of David in my Heart

Until the last breath I will take. 

With love and  high  Hopes will

Walk with my Head UP  High.

I have no Tolerant for Bigotry

 Even if it is coming from my Children

The ones I have given life too

My three children that Shun me     

Brain washed by an Arab Father 

And  the Academia! 

They where suppose to get high 

Education they got Brain washed !

I must thank the university of Toronto

Dollhouse, Colombia university, and

Carlton university the Cambridge university UK.

And the UNITED NATION the bunch

Of Antisemitic Criminals!!!

You helped an Arab Father teach hatred

And Antisemitism with your own hatred

And Bigotry toward ISRAEL! and the JEWS!!  

What can I say  As a Mom that lost

Three Children

May God forgive you.

YB.         30/1/2017

     

Ardi Imseis and Shirel pegios No More Silencing your Mother!!!

Jerusalem of gold! the Jewish capital of ISRAEL!

Silence no more!

If I wan't speak up for myself it

Will cost me pieces of my heart

The longer I allow you to silence me 

The more broken heart pieces I

Will have to maned! Ardi Imseis and Shirel pegios

You may think that your Mother is

Stupid for loving you and keep

 Hopping that one of this days you 

 Realize how cruel you are for denouncing

Me just for being Jewish! find a mirror

And stand in front of it

The face looking back at you is JEWISH too!

Keeping my mouth shot  so you  can keep year 

After year Abusing me takes a toll on my soul!

I am going to be true to my feelings,

I will not cover up your nasty deed 

LET THE WORLD KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

Shirel I do not think that you can teach children 

Moral values!

And Ardi I do not think that you can preach the world

On Human Rights!

PERHAPS THE UNITED NATION STANDARD

JEWS AND ISRAEL HEATERS!

  ANTISEMITIC BUNCH OF CRIMINALS!! 

YB.         25/1/2017   

My Mother and I...

Mother!

We are together my Mother and I.

Even thou she is long past we are

Together, in my heart, in my mind

Mother and I for ever together.

I wish we could have reached the

Point of my adulthood , to become 

Mom and daughter and also best 

Friends.  I miss you dearest of all.

My Mother most precious memory

In my life, most valuable foundation

For  my survival .  someone have asked

A question  WHAT DO GIRLS DO WHO

Haven't a Mother to help them through

Their troubles?

JUST REMEMBER THE LOVING MEMORY'S!!

YB.

Mothers day may 2016

    

ONE MOTHER!

 

 

One Mother builds her children's up,

Because she knows what it's like

To be torn down. not knowing

That her children's will

Crush  her heart out!  

 

 One day she finally grasped that

 Unexpected things were always

Going to happen in her life.

And with that she realized

The only control she had

Was how she choose

To Handel them .

 

So she  made the decision to

Survive using courage,

humor and grace.

She was  the Queen

Of her own life.

The choice

Was hers! 

 

YB. 18 02/16



Everyone is my Teacher!

 

 

I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live I LEARN!

I'VE been hurt but I am Alive.

I am human, I am not perfect but

I am thankful.

 

Everyone is my Teacher. some of them I seek

Some of them I attract .

Often I learn by observing others.

I look in to my life as If it was trough

A camera, focus, focus,

 

on what's Important in life.

Capture the good, the bad

And the ugly. develop from

The negatives, if  things do not turn out

As you want them to,  take another shot!

Remember all are my Teachers.

 

YB. 18/02/16

Ardi Imseis Human rights Lawyer with no humanity in his heart!

Light up your heart! 

With no human rights,  for his mother,  and his children.



My son my Baby, for Each day passing by that I am not permitted

To see you, or my grand children.  slowly shapes my life.

As dripping water  shapes the mountain rocks .

baby!  as A human right lawyer, I am asking for your professional opinion.

What would you advice a mother, like me to do?

What would you advice children,  like your children, to do?



As a professional, how is it that you can not see the crime, that you are Committing

Preventing your children from having a grand mother. because she  is

JEWISH...and proud to be!

I like to meet your professors, at Colombia university. who taught you.

What would be their advice to you? ...you can't teach some thing that

You don't practise your self...baby! you are wasting your abilities

To bring peace to your heart, make your life an art of love, let your

Baby's have there birth right, a grand mother. who wants to love them.

So the human right Lawyer! when are you going to practise what you are

 Preaching? I am asking you for help what would you advise me to do?

Be kind , and know that I am your Mother! that loves you.

who would love to meet my grandchildren that I love......

YB

Dec;10 2012

For my voice can speak now

For my voice can speak now!

The rules are written for a mother.!

Love your child, attend to him for life.

No matter what. I am not welcome to my

 Child's life, I am Jewish he is an Arab.....

You never expect that he will betray you,

That 2 pounds Baby that had to stay in the

Hospital 3 month after birth that Baby.

That you lived for days  and Ninth.  never left

His side held his tiny hands, rubbed his tiny body,

cradled him  in your arms inside the incubator.

I milked my Brest to feed him mothers milk.

that was my child the boy!  I loved more than life.

The boy! that  his Father didn't want me to have

 Wanted  nothing to do with us! wanted me to abort!

He didn't care about us or wanted to be part of our life's.

To  him we were just  the  durthy  Jews!

My Élan the premature baby I give birth too

He wounded and broke my heart and my soul .

 Took  all the Joy out of my life!

I curse his Father for tempering, with

the love between, a mother! and her son.

He taught  he is above God. he is the one.

Making the rules. he will reward himself,

By punishing me by Alienating my children

Took there birth right to have a MOTHER!  .

Michel Imseis  there is neither reward ,

Nor punishment,  in  this world for you.

your Karma! will follow you for eternity.

And I will love my boy for life....

That is what  Jewish Mothers do..

Y.B

DECEMBER 6 2012

A letter to my children Elan imseis, S ,and my baby wounded heart

Healing the soul

I am losing hope that I will ever hear from my children. Has the time of communication come to an end? This letter to my children hopefully will provide me with some comfort to be able to tell about your mother's broken heart and the painful situation that all of you have brought up on me for no reason.

What kind of children will shun there mother because she is Jewish and she divorced an abusing man who is your father? Only ones who were brainwashed, selfish and poisoned. Since your birth I felt joy in my heart. You were the only bright light in my life.

I wish I could say that your father felt the same way! I know that if you ever read this, it is going to be painful. But it is about time. I will be totally open about the torture he put me through. Before having you guys I was 14 years old, pregnant. He drugged me to have an abortion three times within 2 years when Élan was on the way he pushed me down a flight of stairs.

Élan was born premature. It is a miracle and a lot of care by me that he made it. When Shi was born he would not take me to the hospital. It was a friend of his who did. When he found out that I was expecting again at the doctor's office he told me to have an abortion. We had a fight at the doctor's office: I would not have an abortion ... my baby  was born.

The first visit to the doctor I remember the doctor looking at me when he was examining my baby, and he asked me if I am thinking the same as he was. I knew exactly what he meant. The tragedy here was that I had to fight him for every one of your lives and I ended up with none of you in my life. Frankly he used you as a weapon against me for his own satisfaction. Finally the dog he had on a leash for 22 years had freed herself. I was not his property anymore and I was in the process of building a life. And you my beloved fools fell to his trap and his sick way of his life...

I hope that you will continue to feel my presence every single minute no matter how much you and he will try not to, because my love for you is too strong, my bond to you is the positive in your life. The first years were the most important years that gave you the foundation and that became the base of who you have become... the brainwash that came afterwards was the poison he planted in you against anyone who is not an Arab......

With this letter I hope to remind you of who you are. Please hear my voice inside your heart telling you I love you. I want to be part of your life and my grand children's life. I only exist because of my love for you and the hope that one day we will see each other, if not in this world then perhaps in another world....

My sweet children it is your life to live however you choose to, with all the luggage that comes with your choices.... I leave you with this shared memory when you were a tiny egg that hatched and marvelled at the miracle of life and it all happened in my body. It didn't seem possible that such a helpless naked creature could survive at all ... Days , months and years passed and you observed me your mother taking care of you, loving you, attending to your needs days and nights, not even once did your father woke up at night to care for you or did anything to make my life easier. All that mattered to me were my children, their welfare, and providing for you the best I could as much as I can and gave you everything I didn't have......

With all the abuse I had endured by your father and  his family, I stuck it out until I could no longer....If I would have stayed with him I would have been dead by now. When the doctor told me either you leave your husband or find another doctor, I realised that was the time that I had to make change to my life. For that I had to be punished by him and you? Why? How can you doubt yourself that you had done me no wrong ....

Of all the animals in the universe, humans are the most amazing and intelligent. I am sorry to tell you: you are not the norm; you were brainwashed....

You are filled with hatred and resentment, bigotry; you will never be able to nurture the lives that were entrusted to you..... You will pass on to them the same poison that your father passed on to you - hatred, bigotry, fear, guilt, resentment and a chaotic life that is what your father left you with ... I want you to know that every time you sliced my heart and bled me I went to bed in a foetus position feeling the pain to the core of my being. It was as if a sharp knife cut my heart to pieces. you deprived me of motherhood, and stole from me the only family I will ever have. I have given you so many chances to come back, 32 years I waited for you it was so easy for you  to drop me as if I was trash. You chose to ignore me. Different people will enter your world and each will be in need of something that only you can provide them with and I am sure that you will do so because that is the way I  taught you but with your mother you never been sensitive. to my needs, my love for you, my missing you.

You have never been willing to share all that you are with me or even just a little bit you give me zero % of your time or your life . Did you know that you are destined to impact many lives in this world. How would you feel knowing that you deprived your mom and your children their birth right? Your life will be filled with people whom will call out on you for reassurance and gentle touch. You will hear their cries, you will never be able to touch and feel the pain of their hearts. Listen and soothe the wounds of their souls. Feel the emptiness in them, just as I have done for you over the years, as your mother - I'm afraid you would not know how. Imagine the power in your wings and warmth in your heart, if you would've had embraced me when I needed you as your mother. I hope that your relationship with your children will be a lot more loving than what you had with me. The important things to remember right now is the intention - no matter how you put it as a mother feeling left out from my children and grandchildren life, my children's weddings, birthdays, holidays, the day my grandchildren were born.

Everybody who hears this story reacts to your actions in disgust. The only thing that really matters is your true purpose - to hurt me. Perhaps one day you will realise the hurt that you caused me, perhaps not. Meanwhile, I must let go of this pain. I cannot be responsible for how you choose to react regarding me leaving your father, because he installed hatred in your hearts. I hope to comfort myself with this letter, you need to know that I see the whole truth. I will never respect anything less than I expect to be respected

My advice for you all is to be in peace with yourselves. You need to confront your issues and stop denying your problems. Your problems are not solved by pushing them away, underneath your carpet, they will be solved by bringing peace and warmth into your heart. I apologise to you for writing this letter because you are getting a whole lot of new information that may cause you pain. This is not what I mean to do, but I just need my voice to be heard and my story to be shared. I want you to know the truth, as painful as it is.

Healing the spirit

YB, Sept 1998

Micheal MY X...Elan and my baby boy. no more Abuse

 The bridge to victory



There is a point when emotion begins to break up the mind, the spirit, and soul. There are certain things that can be said, shattering the reason for my existence, withstanding how I feel. It is approaching to the end. It feels in my heart... no more beating, name calling, degrading. putting you down to zero and below...

At one point he told me if he had the power he would put all orphans in a line-up and shoot all of us. According to my X...Michael Imseis, we orphans are not worthy of loving or be loved because we  can't love .....and we can't be loved.... It is coming to an end his time has run out with me.

I am trying to collect my thoughts to begin to rebuild a new reason for living. I must find my path again in order to move forward. I have been standing in the rain, the snow bare feet. He will lock me out the house far too long, toyed with, played with, manipulated...

It is time to don my survivor coat and go for a long walk. Alone. Alone, soaking the warmth of this cosy feeling, no more beatings.

Yolland, just remember when the next storm knocks on the window of your heart again, do not open the door again. That door is locked for good to anyone ... never allow yourself to be abused again...

Dec 27 1979

YB



Elan Peter Imseis

You shredded my heart
You wounded my spirit
You bettered your mother

When my marriage ended, my life changed dramatically. In my wildest dream, I didn't expect my son Élan to tell me: "You sacrificed twenty years of your life being with my father and now you are leaving him? If you really loved us you would sacrifice another twenty years and stay with him".

 
My son at that time was 18 years old, he did not care that I was abused for 22 years. It was so hard for me to hear that. I never imagined that my child will be so full of hate toward me. No respect. And he was angry at me for wanting to finally start respecting myself...

He told me if I leave, he will make sure that I will never see my other two children. Between the two of them, my child Élan and his father, there was no chance for me. My first born, who was born three months early because of the abuse his father put me through, pushed me down a flight of stairs in a hotel in Cyprus shortly after that I give birth to Élan.

 
Premature baby, one kilogram, it was so hard to leave him behind in the hospital and to go home with an abusive man who made me feel as if I was the trash of the world. I never expected anyone to be perfect, but I had a need for respect I had never received from the monster I was married to, and not from my children. They believed that it was all right to treat women like thrash, we are second-rate citizens.

My daughter told me once in a restaurant, when we were having a mother day dinner. "A woman is a bitch and then you marry one!" I thought I was fainting, that was what she heard her father say all the time...

So child, if I only knew that having my children will be the saddest part of my life I most likely would not have children... My children were born in Canada, Élan was born in Israel and came to Canada as an infant. Their father brainwashed them, he poisoned them against the Jews, the western world and against anyone who is doing better than he does, happier than he is and more successful than he is...

March 1997

YB



my baby son and Elan a PART OF ME

Till the end of time I will be the
 Only Mom you have and I love you!

I gave to you my heart and soul. You were my dreams and hope. I gave to you all happiness that I can.
You were my world and what I stand for.

I gave to you the moment shared between mother and child, I wiped your nose, I dried your tears, I calmed your fears when you needed me.

When mother and baby had first touch I was that mom. Never thinking that could end because I am Jewish. All of my world crushed when you broke my heart and crushed my wings. I kept dreaming of one day you will be back to share with me mended hearts.

I gave to you life we could have shared; you didn't want to. It is your life to live. You own the key to that life.



So please be kind with you, for I will be your mom for life.

Love

Mom....

YB 
January 2003

My Babies



My Babies,




My children you are my universe

Élan Imseis

They were three: the Sun, the Moon, and the Sky. The sun was my oldest. The first second I laid my eyes on him there was a warmth that flooded my heart. He was so small: one kilogram  prematurely born as a result of the push down a flight of stairs by my abusive Arab husband.

Falling down the stairs cost my premature child to be born. I welcomed him to my life with all of me ... The sun brightened my universe. The Little hands, the tiny feet, the beautiful face that was all eyes. In the incubator laid my angel for the first three month of his life.

He didn't have to be physically close to touch my soul. He was my life. My angel gave me and the world something unique and very special that stays with me for all the rest of my days and time. How can I ever forget the joy and fulfilment? He was all my wants and all my needs. What a feeling total blitz and fulfilment!

I will never be able  to understand how he turned his back on me, shunt me, forsake me for being a Jew. You are one too. All I have to remember is that treasure is not a son! But a son is always a treasure......

My second was the Moon, Shirel.

A beautiful Girl sweet soul who loved, cherished Inspired every body who looked at her. She was an original; always unique, her bright tender eyes so full of love, glitters and serene peaceful shine ...What a gift to my heart! I was filled with pride of being a Mother to an angel as such. When she made sounds, it was sweeter than any birds', any rivers, any sounds known on earth.

Her music was not based on sound, it was the instrument of love. She was my Moon. The love of my life; the one that I expected loyalty from.

Dear girl, the heart always remembers.......

My third was Sky, my baby A.

When my sky was born the light of his faith in me shined. It illuminated my heart, and the hearts of my Sun, my Moon and all of the angels in the universe .....

My heart was drowning in the light; precious gift from up above. A gift kept wrapped in love, he certainly made my ups longer than my downs. He made my world more special just by being in it. He is a miracle; he taught me to enjoy the little things in life......I am your mother now and forever. My duty to you is a matter of the mind. My commitment to you is a matter of my heart. I had both of them to give to you all.

They were ignored, shunt. not wanted by my universe: my Sun, my Moon and my Sky... Oh how it hurts. My empty heart is dark. How I would like a sparkle from the Moon, a bit of light from the Sun or perhaps some glider from my Sky.....

Just a heart bursting with  love is what I have for my Sun, my Moon, and my Sky. My children turned their back on me. They left me like a tree without leaves. I must create new leaves, new directions in order to survive.


My children were born with a need to be loved and never will outgrow it. I am here to love you now and forever..... I will wait for your return to my life until the  day I die. For now, I will let you free. I say goodbye. I hope and pray that your path will illuminate your life. Be happy in your world. For my darlings, I will have to move on with mine...

Please remember:

For life I will love you.....



YB      
26 Nov 1999

To Elan and my baby

Let us fly together, to a peaceful land.
In  my heart I will engrave a million reasons
  Why I love you so  



Have you ever watched your friends looking at their mothers eyes?
Have you ever heard rain drops sounding like your mother's tear drops?
Have you ever heard the beats of your mother's broken heart?
Have you ever imagine the darkness imposed on your mother's heart?

Have you ever wished to mend that broken heart?
Did you ever searched your hearts and souls for that last dance?
Just to find the broken heart went silent.....too late for a dance
Have you ever asked yourselves, "Why?"

We locked our hearts to the one who gave us life.
My children shunt me.  No life danced with me.
Time is short. The music may die.

And then all is left is silent.
And more silent....
No mom to honour your life dance.....

Y.B.

1998