THE VOLTURE!

A vulture! Adam L..

Nothing stay's the same

 I trusted a guy who worked with me.

Big big mistake, never never again.

I trusted him with my life , will never dream

 that he could betrayed me like this!

I trusted a friend,  worked for  me

for 13 years hakes my computer and

Got as low as  to steel all my files

from my computer! how ugly is that? 

  I have committed the

Golden rule of trust and loyalty

But not every one has the moral values,

Apparently he did not. 

 Never again will I trust any one

Professionally again !

YB.       4/3/2016

For my voice can speak now

For my voice can speak now!

The rules are written for a mother.!

Love your child, attend to him for life.

No matter what. I am not welcome to my

 Child's life, I am Jewish he is an Arab.....

You never expect that he will betray you,

That 2 pounds Baby that had to stay in the

Hospital 3 month after birth that Baby.

That you lived for days  and Ninth.  never left

His side held his tiny hands, rubbed his tiny body,

cradled him  in your arms inside the incubator.

I milked my Brest to feed him mothers milk.

that was my child the boy!  I loved more than life.

The boy! that  his Father didn't want me to have

 Wanted  nothing to do with us! wanted me to abort!

He didn't care about us or wanted to be part of our life's.

To  him we were just  the  durthy  Jews!

My Élan the premature baby I give birth too

He wounded and broke my heart and my soul .

 Took  all the Joy out of my life!

I curse his Father for tempering, with

the love between, a mother! and her son.

He taught  he is above God. he is the one.

Making the rules. he will reward himself,

By punishing me by Alienating my children

Took there birth right to have a MOTHER!  .

Michel Imseis  there is neither reward ,

Nor punishment,  in  this world for you.

your Karma! will follow you for eternity.

And I will love my boy for life....

That is what  Jewish Mothers do..

Y.B

DECEMBER 6 2012

A sad memory




Your brightened my path. Thank you, Mom.

Mama Hana resting place



For ever in my heart



 This is the time of my mother's Passing Anniversary. She passed away the 4th of April 1950 -- 62 years ago.                                                                                                                                                                                

At the Passover Jewish holiday, this is the place she was put to rest. I never witnessed her resting place until I was 33 years old. I went with the big fat man, Richard Harlow who said in a slow quiet voice, "I will go with you to Marrakesh. I will give you my love and support that you need."



He did not realize how much I needed to know that I will be supported by him. I will owe him my thanks for life. I couldn't have shared that with my X.... He was too evil to share such a holy journey with.

How wonderful it was to do it at a time in my life that I was in a secure place and felt comfort. The big fat man Richard, he was with me all the way. He stood by me. Instead of facing it alone, he was with me all the way. And for that I will forever have a special prayer for him.

I thanked him with tears raining down my face. Walking in the old Jewish cemetery was like walking on the face of the moon and very mystical. For that I thank him... This is the place...

Oct 1984

YB

The child within



A heart of Gold

The only thing that really matters is your true purpose. They put their own framework around your deeds and make incorrect interpretations based upon their limited knowledge or experience.

You are the only one who knows that this situation began in sweetness and innocence. It was instigated by love. Perhaps one day they will see your Truth; perhaps not.

 
For now, Little One, you must let go of the pain. You know within your heart and mind the right meaning. Use this knowledge to let go of unfounded blame and negative feelings. Walk tall, smile, take a deep breath... You may want to make another attempt to show love and respect and clarify your position.
 

But remember children who need reasons why would their mother love them even if they don't want her love; they are not in the right frame of mind to understand or accept your love. You can't be responsible for how they choose to react to your love.

I want you to know that I know your truth; I live in your heart and mind. I know that your initiations are good and noble. You have a pure heart and a good soul. Don't ever forget the truth about the child within you: She is you and we love her...... we will laugh and love again......

 

Feb 8 2012

YB

Self-esteem

Fly and Bloomm! the sky is the limit


To all of us Girls....


What a joy it is to share our moments of glory.

We ought to be proud of ourselves and our successes.

We never thought it would happen but here it is!

We certainly did it!

It took time, strength and courage.

Our ability to be good friends and good human beings is measured by the depth of our self esteem.

Now girl friends, we can bask in the sunshine of this sweet success.

Remember, it is only the beginning, it is no time to rest, nor the time to fall back. 

We ought to always remember: we are standing out, we are standing up.
 
Although our comfort zone may probably be stretched beyond our endurance, wouldn't it be great to discover what else we can do?

We should look forward to tomorrow, watch our successes with pride.

From this sister girl of  yours... to all the girls in the world.

YB
4 Feb 2012

Planting positive seeds

Planting ppositive seeds
in the garden of my soul

For you Little girl Yo...

Fly me to a places in the heavens, fly me beneath your wings between blue skies and bright stars.

Have a halo put on my head of white lilies, a red rose placed in the center of my heart......

For all the love I had to give and no one is there to receive.

No Elan and family, no Shirel and family, and no A and family.

So, sweet girl of mine! Today is a new beginning.

My world will be enriched. My heart will be mended.

My spirit will be free. For today is the day seeds will be planted.

I don't have to see the seeds in order to plant them.

I need only to have faith that the seeds are there to be planted,.

My soul will wise up.. Hallelujah for a new beginning.

Putting my positions in order makes for a neat home.

Putting my thoughts in order equals tranquility.

Hallelujah for the freedom to fly with a halo of lilies on my head.

A bunch of  roses in my heart. navigating between the fluffy clouds, the blue skyies, shiny stars, healing the branches of my soul. What a wonderful life!

December 1998

YB

Elan Peter Imseis

You shredded my heart
You wounded my spirit
You bettered your mother

When my marriage ended, my life changed dramatically. In my wildest dream, I didn't expect my son Élan to tell me: "You sacrificed twenty years of your life being with my father and now you are leaving him? If you really loved us you would sacrifice another twenty years and stay with him".

 
My son at that time was 18 years old, he did not care that I was abused for 22 years. It was so hard for me to hear that. I never imagined that my child will be so full of hate toward me. No respect. And he was angry at me for wanting to finally start respecting myself...

He told me if I leave, he will make sure that I will never see my other two children. Between the two of them, my child Élan and his father, there was no chance for me. My first born, who was born three months early because of the abuse his father put me through, pushed me down a flight of stairs in a hotel in Cyprus shortly after that I give birth to Élan.

 
Premature baby, one kilogram, it was so hard to leave him behind in the hospital and to go home with an abusive man who made me feel as if I was the trash of the world. I never expected anyone to be perfect, but I had a need for respect I had never received from the monster I was married to, and not from my children. They believed that it was all right to treat women like thrash, we are second-rate citizens.

My daughter told me once in a restaurant, when we were having a mother day dinner. "A woman is a bitch and then you marry one!" I thought I was fainting, that was what she heard her father say all the time...

So child, if I only knew that having my children will be the saddest part of my life I most likely would not have children... My children were born in Canada, Élan was born in Israel and came to Canada as an infant. Their father brainwashed them, he poisoned them against the Jews, the western world and against anyone who is doing better than he does, happier than he is and more successful than he is...

March 1997

YB



My baby my child

My heart speaks to you Baby

Heart speaks.

I do feel sad for myself. I feel cheated by you, my baby.

I loved being your mother, you made everything in the world feel for me on a deeper level.

You taught me the truth about joy and happiness, about the important things in life, and there was nothing in my life as concrete than being your mom.

I saw pure love in your eyes when you looked in my eyes. I try so hard to bring out the best in you,

to teach you how to love, I try to be an influence to you, to respect all mankind regardless of skin or religion, but you followed your begot father's footstep. The powerful influence of your mother didn't matter, you hate having a Jewish mom.

You would have preferred that she never existed. You shunt me away, Jewish mother who could never take you out of her  mind or her heart. My landscape turned in to a dry deserted land, absent of my baby child.

Baby my son, do you know how comfortable you were as a baby? How easy it was to slip into being your mother and caregiver? I enjoyed every second. The depth of the feelings that I had for you, my baby child, are absolutely divine.

Now it is so hard to be apart from you and your children  (that you would not allow me to see).

I will love you and my grandchildren (even if I will never see them).

Not just for today or tomorrow, I will love all of you, son, within my soul and forever.

Your Jewish mother....

I feel sorry for energy wasted instead of glory delight.

My heart speaks to me and I need to hear what it is telling me what can I do for you now Girl.

Bring me peace and glory to my present life. Let go of memories that bring me pain and agony.

My heart speaks.

It is telling me, "Heal me, love me, embrace me....."

23 March 1998

Your Mom
YB


In slow motion




My broken wings cannot fly these days

In slow motion... pushed away piece by piece, my heart sunk into a hole, as you walked away from me and shattered my dreams.

Why couldn't you have a mother and a father? My heart shredded to pieces, my spirit and soul crashed, faded like a candle light in the wind. My life became darker and darker....

I have to know and understand why I was not welcomed to my sons' weddings. In my daughter's wedding I was treated like a stranger, humiliated by my child setting me with a bunch of strangers; no part of  family, children, and grandchildren, no friends.

And to top it off,  my daughter took a strain of  pearl necklace and earrings I gave here as wedding gifts, she gave it to her girl friend to put it around her neck.

For a moment I thought my heart was stopping, I never would dream that the child I loved so much
could hate me so.........

I couldn't breathe, I wished to drop dead at that moment: the pain was unbearable. She reminded me of the cruel pain that her father used to shower me with every day of my life with him. They learned to abuse me by watching him do it.

I have seven grandchildren, I don't now some of them at all (my baby's children, two of them he would not even tell me their names. My ex is an Arab catholic, so just imagine what I had to go through.

Their mother is Muslim, no way she wants them to know that they are part Jewish, and some of  my daughters and my oldest son's children I saw 5 or 6 times in their life. Their ages ranged between 15 and 3 years. Never been in a birthday, I am totally shunted away......

That is why I am writing so they will  know how much I love them.

And how much we both have been deprived by their supposedly loving parents.
(Two of them are my youngest son's children - he is a human rights lawyer, what a joke! where is the human right of his mother and his children.... He even refuses to send me a photograph of the kids)

These days have been very difficult and hard on me, I am circling between hell and earth.

I need a miracle to make this bad dream go away. I made an error in my youth and I will pay for it until the day I die.

What am I to do to overcome my sadness and pain, the heartache and the loss?

I think it is as hard as if they were dead, perhaps it is harder.

Now I have to pick up the pieces, now I have to mend my heart, planting new hopes and caring for my soul and spirit.

Like new blooms in my garden in the spring, I owe it to myself.

I have to see my path blooming; the branches of my soul is sprouting new leaves.

My life has to have new meaning. I deserved it with them or without them.

My world has to go on........thanks to every angel that crossed my path, and the light my mother guided me with...... and most of all, thank you Lord for being by my side and carrying me through it.

May 2007

YB


Darkness in my universe land

Forever you are mine

Children, please tell me why you have forsaken me? Tell me why you turned your back on me?
You were my heart and soul and all of my world. I had dreams for us. You threw me away as if I was trash.

We were together, my children and I. They were my most precious commodity in my life. Where is my bill of right? Tell me please.

My sun, Elan , my  moon, Shirel, and my baby sky!  You were my seasons, thunder, lightning, the breezing winds, the white snow and the bearing sands. You are and were all I had in my universe land. Where did that all go?

You broke my heart. You shattered my soul. You tortured my spirit. You made darkness in my universe land.

I see ugliness, shame. I am an outcast in my dry, bare land. just tell me WHY? You deprived yourselves, your children, and I......

Your mom for all times.

YB
Jan 2011


    canvass of my  life

my baby son and Elan a PART OF ME

Till the end of time I will be the
 Only Mom you have and I love you!

I gave to you my heart and soul. You were my dreams and hope. I gave to you all happiness that I can.
You were my world and what I stand for.

I gave to you the moment shared between mother and child, I wiped your nose, I dried your tears, I calmed your fears when you needed me.

When mother and baby had first touch I was that mom. Never thinking that could end because I am Jewish. All of my world crushed when you broke my heart and crushed my wings. I kept dreaming of one day you will be back to share with me mended hearts.

I gave to you life we could have shared; you didn't want to. It is your life to live. You own the key to that life.



So please be kind with you, for I will be your mom for life.

Love

Mom....

YB 
January 2003

To my baby in the end

With all my love, Mom.....

  Child baby Dearest,

In the end what are the things that matter most?

How well did you love, how fully did you live?

How deeply did you learn to let go?

And remember: neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds for all (including for your mom.)

Walk tall as the trees, live with dignity and pride. Be strong as the mountains, be gentle as the spring winds.
Keep the warmth of the summer sun in your heart. Be proud of your heritage: you can't hide from it. And the Lord will be always with you.

Love,

Mom...

YB
August 2006

Reflection on the shadows that blocked the light

My angelic Mom

Grandma

                       My Beautiful Mom

Me.... Y

 To all who ever cared for me......

Dear ones,

The idea of a letter at large seems strange to me. Impersonal. I guess maybe there is something unnatural about it. How could I send the same letter to all who ever cared? Each of whom knows different bits of my journey? I am choosing to honour this painful piece of my life story by sharing it.

Trusting these years of teaching myself that each life story including my own has value and is worthy of being told. The experience of parting with my mother after four or five years of being mother and child.

Those years has afforded me a window of insight into a world that I'd been too afraid to even acknowledge existed. I've talked and read and heard so much about close relationship between mothers and daughters that the whole subject seems played out. Yet I can't deny the struggles I had with it.

The sweet genteel soul of the little girl that I was during my childhood had become steeled, frozen and buried so deep in me. Years of violence, rage and oppression was my experience of my childhood world.  My life with my husband was full of abuses and a life of hell.

I managed to push most of it away, a survival skill I had acquired after too many days of chaos and
hopelessness.  All I wanted is validation to process ever so slowly my childhood pain. Now, compassion is replacing self judgement and criticism I have been inspired to reclaim my childhood, however scary it is and reach out for spiritual guides to help me relearn, rewire and heal.

Best of all I have been inspired to reach, to find in me the wise woman who had been terrorized into silence by circumstances beyond her control. What I need to put down here is that for the first time maybe ever, I am feeling all the pain instead of feeling shame, I am embracing myself with love and acceptance. I am not running, nor denying its existence, not allowing an unwanted opinion point of view entering my world.

I never had a house that felt safe, dignified and had love in it. I didn't know what it will feel like until I healed my world and I got it for myself; it feels good.....

Never had a family until my children who shunt me... my crime being Jewish.... their Arabian father always said they would have been better off with no mother than a Jewish one. My only family were gone. And I am not welcome to be part of their lives or my grandchildren's lives.

Now my friends are my family, and guides I worked with to heal my life are the ones who validate me. It is a strange feeling to be seen and respected by a group who were willing to give and receive and sharing. Perhaps the contrast they provided me with is what finally sends me back to my history to grieve for what's been lost in my life.

I simply must trust that it is all right for me to do what I need to do, even if it appears to make no logical sense in the past. I just left, walked away, never demanded anything. I never had felt that I deserved anything. It was the result of what was inserted in me by the people who were supposed to love me.

The abuse that my husband put me through... the physical abuse, the mental torture he used to bring me to an unbearable pain. It was like being in a dark snake pit. Now, in my life, I took charge. No blaming or making anyone wrong.

They were only things that happened in my life. Over the years of healing I have moved from anger and resentment to forgiveness and understanding. My relationship with my mom that left me by passing away at such a young age is now vastly better than it has ever been in spite of the fact that I for always will miss having a mother, my children and my grandchildren and a real family. I am clear that it is critical to honour and respect all who have come into my life and made it possible.

I know in my heart that they truly did the best they were able to, and meant me no harm. In spite of all of this, it remains vitally important to honour and respect all of what I feel in particular the grief, anger, pain and pure sadness. All of this makes my joy and love possible. I honour the courage required of me to break the ancient chain of denial, even as I must respect those who choose not to.

I have come to this moment to be alone to grieve and heal. I don't have to understand any of it. I only need to allow myself to be. I am doing this in honour of the sweet loving courageous little girl I once was. I know that she remains the wisest part of me, and I will create a safe place to bring her back for I believe that she is the one who can teach me how to love and be loved.

In honour of all the mothers out there I shall end with a quote from "Return of the Great Goddess." I remember asking my mother the woman who'd believe in me and bless my path. Does the fear ever stop? When will I believe in myself enough that I am not scared all the time? She smiled, running her long fingers through her soft white hair.  "Never dear. You just recognize it. Look it in the eyes, and keep moving." We can't banish the dark but we can navigate there, can't we?"

YB
May 2002

My Babies



My Babies,




My children you are my universe

Élan Imseis

They were three: the Sun, the Moon, and the Sky. The sun was my oldest. The first second I laid my eyes on him there was a warmth that flooded my heart. He was so small: one kilogram  prematurely born as a result of the push down a flight of stairs by my abusive Arab husband.

Falling down the stairs cost my premature child to be born. I welcomed him to my life with all of me ... The sun brightened my universe. The Little hands, the tiny feet, the beautiful face that was all eyes. In the incubator laid my angel for the first three month of his life.

He didn't have to be physically close to touch my soul. He was my life. My angel gave me and the world something unique and very special that stays with me for all the rest of my days and time. How can I ever forget the joy and fulfilment? He was all my wants and all my needs. What a feeling total blitz and fulfilment!

I will never be able  to understand how he turned his back on me, shunt me, forsake me for being a Jew. You are one too. All I have to remember is that treasure is not a son! But a son is always a treasure......

My second was the Moon, Shirel.

A beautiful Girl sweet soul who loved, cherished Inspired every body who looked at her. She was an original; always unique, her bright tender eyes so full of love, glitters and serene peaceful shine ...What a gift to my heart! I was filled with pride of being a Mother to an angel as such. When she made sounds, it was sweeter than any birds', any rivers, any sounds known on earth.

Her music was not based on sound, it was the instrument of love. She was my Moon. The love of my life; the one that I expected loyalty from.

Dear girl, the heart always remembers.......

My third was Sky, my baby A.

When my sky was born the light of his faith in me shined. It illuminated my heart, and the hearts of my Sun, my Moon and all of the angels in the universe .....

My heart was drowning in the light; precious gift from up above. A gift kept wrapped in love, he certainly made my ups longer than my downs. He made my world more special just by being in it. He is a miracle; he taught me to enjoy the little things in life......I am your mother now and forever. My duty to you is a matter of the mind. My commitment to you is a matter of my heart. I had both of them to give to you all.

They were ignored, shunt. not wanted by my universe: my Sun, my Moon and my Sky... Oh how it hurts. My empty heart is dark. How I would like a sparkle from the Moon, a bit of light from the Sun or perhaps some glider from my Sky.....

Just a heart bursting with  love is what I have for my Sun, my Moon, and my Sky. My children turned their back on me. They left me like a tree without leaves. I must create new leaves, new directions in order to survive.


My children were born with a need to be loved and never will outgrow it. I am here to love you now and forever..... I will wait for your return to my life until the  day I die. For now, I will let you free. I say goodbye. I hope and pray that your path will illuminate your life. Be happy in your world. For my darlings, I will have to move on with mine...

Please remember:

For life I will love you.....



YB      
26 Nov 1999

To Elan and my baby

Let us fly together, to a peaceful land.
In  my heart I will engrave a million reasons
  Why I love you so  



Have you ever watched your friends looking at their mothers eyes?
Have you ever heard rain drops sounding like your mother's tear drops?
Have you ever heard the beats of your mother's broken heart?
Have you ever imagine the darkness imposed on your mother's heart?

Have you ever wished to mend that broken heart?
Did you ever searched your hearts and souls for that last dance?
Just to find the broken heart went silent.....too late for a dance
Have you ever asked yourselves, "Why?"

We locked our hearts to the one who gave us life.
My children shunt me.  No life danced with me.
Time is short. The music may die.

And then all is left is silent.
And more silent....
No mom to honour your life dance.....

Y.B.

1998